I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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