worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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