We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
