We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
