He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
