If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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