that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
