My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
