That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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