You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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