that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
