I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
