nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
