Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
