please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
