I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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