I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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