is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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