He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
