I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
