My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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