I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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