Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
