I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have already put on my inside pants.
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