Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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