you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
