He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
