so that wasnt chicken after all
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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