I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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