____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
