you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Someone signed my nipple.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
