I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
