dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
