the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
