the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
