'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
