I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I am naked and annoyed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
