and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
