oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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