Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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