I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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