I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
