I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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