the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Less talking, more tequila
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
