My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
