It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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