Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
