You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
