I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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