If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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