Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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