one two three fourrrrnication!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
