you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
